The title is not found in Scripture
Neither the Old Testament nor the New Testament calls a church leader’s wife the First Lady. The New Testament speaks of pastors and teachers, elders, and bishops or overseers, but it does not establish a separate office for the wife of an elder or pastor (Ephesians 4:11; Acts 20:17; Acts 20:28).
That does not make the phrase automatically sinful. Churches often use words that are not Bible words, such as “Sunday school” or “missionary”, to describe a real practice. The wiser question is what a title communicates. If “First Lady” is simply a courteous local expression, people may receive it that way. If it makes her seem spiritually above other women, or gives her authority she has not been entrusted with, it can become unhelpful.
But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.
Leadership qualifications concern character
When Paul describes an overseer, he focuses on the man’s character, household life, ability to teach, and reputation. He says an overseer should be the husband of one wife, but he does not assign his wife a title or make her an office-holder by marriage (1 Timothy 3:1-7).
Paul also mentions women, or possibly deacons’ wives depending on how one understands the wording, whose lives should show dignity, trustworthiness, and self-control (1 Timothy 3:11). Either way, the emphasis is on godly character. It is not on a special rank within the congregation.
A pastor’s wife may carry real burdens. She may offer hospitality, pray with people, teach, lead ministries, raise children, or support her husband through difficult seasons. Those gifts deserve gratitude. Still, her calling comes from Christ and the gifts he gives her, not merely from being married to the pastor.
Honour people without creating a hierarchy
Churches should treat leaders and their families with kindness. Paul tells believers to recognise and esteem those who labour among them in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13). A congregation should not expect a pastor’s wife to be available for every need, lead every women’s gathering, or live under constant public scrutiny.
At the same time, Jesus warned his disciples against seeking elevated religious titles and status. He taught that his followers are brothers and sisters under one Father, and that greatness is shown through serving (Matthew 23:8-12). That principle helps a church keep appreciation from turning into rank.
So a church can thank and respect a pastor’s wife without expecting other members to treat her as royalty. A simple name, “sister”, or a ministry description based on what she actually does may often communicate that more clearly.
And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves.
Make room for each person’s gifts
The New Testament shows women serving Christ in meaningful ways. Priscilla, alongside Aquila, helped Apollos understand God’s way more accurately (Acts 18:26). Phoebe was commended to the church at Rome as a servant of the church at Cenchrea (Romans 16:1-2). Their service was recognised because of their faithfulness, not because they were attached to a prominent title.
Faithful Christians may differ on whether using “First Lady” is wise in a particular church culture. There is no command requiring it, and no verse that directly forbids the phrase. The best path is to use language that protects humility, avoids pressure on a leader’s wife, and points the church back to Christ as its true head (Colossians 1:18).